I'm slightly depressed right now. Tonight after dinner, Mike and I took a quick trip to Walmart to pick up some things. On the way out, Mike's like, "Ooh, Dairy Queen." He then turned to me and his kid-in-the-candy-shop grin faded a little and he's quickly said, "No, that's right, you can't have any." I told him it was okay, that I could just get a little one or a shake or something. I've been doing well, so I figured I could binge, right? We pull in and as we get out of the car, I realized it was after 8. I panicked. This was a rule I had set for myself...no eating after 8. I'd seen it on Biggest Loser one time that it's not good to eat that late (I think your metabolism slows way down by then as you're usually getting ready for bed by this time...or something like that). We went in and were waiting in line and I was thinking, "You could have just a little bit, Sam. It's not going to kill you. You're going to the gym tomorrow. You'll be fine. Go ahead." Then Mike mentioned that I'd have to drive home, because he wouldn't be able to eat and drive. Heaving a sigh, I firmed my resolve. We got to the counter. Mike put in his order for a Heath Bar Blizzard. The cashier cheerfully asked if that was all. "Wait," my mind screamed. "No, I want..." But I bit my lip and she rang him up. I had managed to win this small battle.
But on the way home, my mind was churning as I drove. Mike finished his Blizzard and we rode in silence for a while. Trying to not feel bad about it, I asked him how it was. "It was good," he replied, but I heard the guilt in his voice. Finally, I told him to tell me I was doing the right thing, that I was doing good. Are you kidding me?!?!?! It's been one week...one MEASLY week since I started this and already I was caving this bad? I'm pitiful! Mike told me he was proud of me for doing this and that I was doing wonderfully so far, to just stay with it. I just can't believe I am that weak that I want to give up after one week. I've realized I've been whiney about not being able to eat more. Part of me says to just screw the whole thing, I'll never get any lighter. I've gone this long this way, I can go longer, right? (*sigh*)
Weigh-in's tomorrow. I'm going to the gym after work with Mike (I'm a little nervous for some reason), and then I'll get home and log on to let you guys know how I've done. Crossing my fingers!