I'm slightly depressed right now. Tonight after dinner, Mike and I took a quick trip to Walmart to pick up some things. On the way out, Mike's like, "Ooh, Dairy Queen." He then turned to me and his kid-in-the-candy-shop grin faded a little and he's quickly said, "No, that's right, you can't have any." I told him it was okay, that I could just get a little one or a shake or something. I've been doing well, so I figured I could binge, right? We pull in and as we get out of the car, I realized it was after 8. I panicked. This was a rule I had set for myself...no eating after 8. I'd seen it on Biggest Loser one time that it's not good to eat that late (I think your metabolism slows way down by then as you're usually getting ready for bed by this time...or something like that). We went in and were waiting in line and I was thinking, "You could have just a little bit, Sam. It's not going to kill you. You're going to the gym tomorrow. You'll be fine. Go ahead." Then Mike mentioned that I'd have to drive home, because he wouldn't be able to eat and drive. Heaving a sigh, I firmed my resolve. We got to the counter. Mike put in his order for a Heath Bar Blizzard. The cashier cheerfully asked if that was all. "Wait," my mind screamed. "No, I want..." But I bit my lip and she rang him up. I had managed to win this small battle.
But on the way home, my mind was churning as I drove. Mike finished his Blizzard and we rode in silence for a while. Trying to not feel bad about it, I asked him how it was. "It was good," he replied, but I heard the guilt in his voice. Finally, I told him to tell me I was doing the right thing, that I was doing good. Are you kidding me?!?!?! It's been one week...one MEASLY week since I started this and already I was caving this bad? I'm pitiful! Mike told me he was proud of me for doing this and that I was doing wonderfully so far, to just stay with it. I just can't believe I am that weak that I want to give up after one week. I've realized I've been whiney about not being able to eat more. Part of me says to just screw the whole thing, I'll never get any lighter. I've gone this long this way, I can go longer, right? (*sigh*)
Weigh-in's tomorrow. I'm going to the gym after work with Mike (I'm a little nervous for some reason), and then I'll get home and log on to let you guys know how I've done. Crossing my fingers!
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don't give up!!! you can do it!!! resisting temptation will get easier but you just started so give yourself some slack for it being so hard! you are so brave to do this - and just think, this isn't JUST to lose weight and be lighter. This is for your future, for Mikes future, for your kids, so you can live a healthier and better lifestyle. I am SURE it is SOOO HARD, saying no to food is VERY difficult. But we are here for you cheering you on!!! And we are proud of you for even lasting one week.:)
ReplyDeleteyou should be incredibly proud of yourself. that's amazing that you were able to resist the temptation. even when you set a goal like this, it doesn't mean you won't have the cravings. if you think of overeating as an addiction, it mimics other addictions....even people who are sober alcoholics for many years still have the cravings. even so, there will be times that you have dietary indiscretions and like you said --following a diet that is smart and sensible is the best- it doesn't mean you can't occasionally have treats. it's really just about moderation and portion. control. and not to impose a diet on mike, but has he thought about taking on some aspects of your diet (not all, per se, especially if that is not a personal goal he has set for himself right now) but more for example; maybe he would consider not eating after 8pm too. it is so much easier to have a diet buddy or exercise buddy. in addition to being the supportive husband he already is, i wonder if he would think about adapting maybe a small part of it w/ you. anyhoo, you are doing incredibly. you have a big support system. we're proud of you everyday.
ReplyDeleteI second what both of them said, especially what Danielle said about Mike. The more I get to know him, I see how deeply in love with you he is and how much he supports you, which is awesome, but Danielle I think hit the nail on the head. I'm rootin' for you Samantha!
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